THOUGHTS ON BEING TERMINALLY ILL
I have always been aware that my family had a lot of cancer in it. We haven’t been so much of a heart problem family, but we sure have had cancer. My mother got sick at 48 and died at 52. Many other aunts, uncles, and cousins died of various types of cancer. That is why I have always looked for things you could do to prevent cancer.
Last year I reached my 60th birthday and I figured I had beat the cancer problem in my family. I then assumed I would die the way my father did….with Alzheimer’s…at age 90. His father (my grandfather) died before him at age 90 with what they called then hardening of the arteries. During the past six months or so I thought I might be contracting this dementia problem younger than they did. Things have not been working so well for me mentally for several months now. Still, I never would have guessed a brain tumor. The doctors tell me that this is just a random genetic thing that strikes mostly Scotch-Irish men. Then I remembered my uncle, Frank McMillan, who died of a brain tumor when I was very young. And I also realized a truth that I have heard before. I have been concerned with health and fitness and those things for years, but the truth comes through: Life is like a box of chocolates- you don’t know what you’re gonna get. In spite of planning, working, avoiding, and everything else we do in life….a lot of life just happens. It is an humbling experience. We spend so much time and energy trying to control and set things up, and then things “just happen.”
You should know this. It is OK. I have been struggling to handle things that were beyond my capacity for some time now, and it is actually comforting to know that I cannot. Now I can relax. I know that I do not know…and often misunderstand. My sons are grown and on their own. I was 14 when my mother died. I am glad they do not have to go through that. I have had 34 years in the ministry. My wife has a place to move into (we purchased a condo in Simpsonville last year). Things are OK.
Years ago I remember my father describing life as having three stages. First you prepare to do. Then you do. And, finally, you think about what you have done. As I remembered this and anticipated moving into the third stage I realized the part he left out. The last stage is the stage when you focus on the life beyond. Many people seem to simply believe that the next life is somehow a continuation of this life. I do not believe that. Faith teaches us something else. This life is a mixture of good and evil, of joy and struggle. Eternal life is life as part of God where there is only life and light and joy and peace. Nothing else is there. It is all God. It is a condition where we spend eternity dwelling on the splendor of God. If I am in the last stage of life I am sure I will spend some time reflecting on what I have experienced and done. That is natural I am sure, but it is not enough. This is the time to look ahead to the condition of eternal life that is beyond this physical body and this physical world. I can’t really imagine it, but I can wonder about it. And I am already starting to do that.
Jerry M. James
